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Our Story, Part 7: Finally meeting some birthparents

by Suzanne - June 21st, 2010.
Filed under: adoption, personal. Tagged as: , , , , .

So the meeting was scheduled for a Monday at noon I believe, but before we could even get excited, we got a call that said they had to reschedule, they hadn’t changed there mind but the birthmom got a chance to go to Florida with her dad for a week, well I can’t fault the girl for that, this was February in Michigan.

We rescheduled for the Friday once she got back. Then we got a call that said, the birthfather had to reschedule, he had a conflict with family, can we do it that next Monday, yeah sure what’s another long weekend when you are sitting on pins and needles.

Finally that Monday came, I got ready, dropped Simon off at my friends house and went in to pick up Todd, he was nowhere to be found, I looked at the receptionist a little panicked and said “we have to leave in 5 min, we are meeting birthparents” she sprang into action and said, no problem I will find him. He came rushing up to the office and looked worried, “I didn’t know what time it was sorry” He still had to change clothes. So we rushed off to get there right on time, the receptionist buzzed our social worker, we sat and waited, I used the restroom, we waited, I used the restroom again, we waited. I was beginning to think we had the wrong day or time, or that this meeting just wasn’t supposed to happen. When we waited for what felt like hours, but was probably 20 minutes, Susan came out and brought us back to a room by ourselves, briefed us on the couple, she was gushing “you guys are going to just love them” frankly I wasn’t too worried about that, I wanted them to love us!

My stomach was in knots, and I was going to be sick if we didn’t just get this initial meeting underway. We followed Susan into a small room with a large table, they were both sitting on one side with there social worker on one end, we had the seats on the other side of the table and Susan was on our end. we said hello made introductions, shook hands and sat down. Ariel just kind of looked at us with big eyes and a shy smirk, Zach smiled and looked ready to talk, he started with a little more in detail intro and then it flowed from there. Ariels hair was all pulled back and she wore a black coat with big huge buttons, she looked pretty relaxed and didn’t show very much, even though she was very petite and was only 6 weeks from her due date.  Zach had a hat on and long brown curls that went past his shoulders, being a hairdresser I noticed the great hair right away (:

We talked and talked and talked, I was so nervous and tend to talk more when that happens, it makes me sound ,like an idiot, or just not myself, I think Todd was trying to calm me down by gently putting his hand on my knee under the table, but I was like a train, I couldn’t stop quickly, bail bail my brain was shouting, I think I did calm down after a bit. I don’t remember all that we talked about, but I know music and art, and charities were all mentioned. I know I old them how Simon only talked about  a sister, how much he wanted a sister, over and over. Zach and Ariel looked at each other a little funny kind of in an uh-oh way but with a smirk. Ariel said “we do know it is a boy” Well I am sure Simon can learn to love a brother (:

At one point Ariel said “Oh, I don’ know if this is ok, but I know someone in your book”  uh-oh

panic

PANIC

please let this be someone she likes, Todd and I exchanged nervous glances. “oh really who?” I say nonchalantly. She opens our book up and points to our pastor, him, I used to babysit his kids, we all giggle, whew, that was close. You ust never know if they would have a different impression of your friends.  So Susan says, it is 2pm, we should probably wrap this up, wow time just flew!

They mention that they will be discussing it and want to make a decision sooner than later, so they will let us know, through our social worker what they decide.

Susan takes us back to the small empty room and I just want to cry, I love them, we clicked and I just know they will not choose us. This is how I protect myself, I always assume the worst in this process, or life really. I voice this out loud and Susan says, well either way I have another situation for you to consider if this doesn’t work out, there is a baby due is June and a sibling that is 1 we want to place them together, and I think you guys would be great having 2 more, What the WHAT! Don’t tell me that! I can only handle so much at a time, yikes. She gave us a few more details about that sibling group and off we went, back to work, back to our lives, back to pick up Simon, sweet Simon, gosh I love that boy.

I talked with my friend Mandy when I picked up Simon, told her details and she was just shaking her head in wonder, how this can all change so fast, she has been through adoption also, but international, and that is a different beast all together.

So I could not stop thinking about Zach and Ariel, and this new sibling group, it freaked me out to think of 3, under 3. I did not think I was equipped to handle that, I love my quiet house and somewhat orderly life, throwing 2 more needy children, one with who knows what kind of damage, enough to be removed from the home, the unknown is scary, and at the exact same time my heart just broke for these children.

That Thursday morning, I was telling Todd how I did not feel like we should take on a sibling group right now, Simon is our son, he is our first priority, if we took on a 12 month old and a newborn right now, we would have no time for him, I can’t do that to him, his personality needs me, he doesn’t do well with huge changes, I can’t leave him emotionally, it would do too much damage. We have to say no to this. Todd agreed, it wasn’t right. Oh that hurt to admit, it also hurt to think we may have just “lost” 3 children. When was our child going to come to us and how?

Later that day, Susan called, but her voice, I just couldn’t read it, “Suzanne, the birthparents have made there decision, and they chose you guys” I just broke down and cried, I went down on my knee and cried into my bed, still on the phone, and Susan just hung on there with me, “I knew they were going to choose you” she said. “I just had a feeling”

I cried for sheer relief and not knowing how stressed I was about this, felt like I had been carrying around a huge load of bricks and she just cut the cord. She said, Ariel wants you to call her, I have her number for you.

I called Todd right away, we are going to be parents again baby, they chose us!!!!!!  I think he whooped, and  said, I will call my parents, you call yours.

“Hey Mom, we are going to have a boy, he is due April 21st, wooooohoooooo”. I know she was thrilled and probably had other questions but at his point I don’t remember them, I was too happy.

I called Ariel and explained who I was, since she didn’t recognize my number on her phone, we quickly fell into place and we got a time to meet again, at a nearby restaurant, so they could meet Simon and we could get to know each other more, talk about our hopes, what we wanted for this adoption, for this baby boy.

Sunday came and we arrived at the restaurant, they were just pulling in before us, Oh I was hoping Simon would like them, he can be quite charming if he likes someone, but he was also 2 and can be quite, how shall we say, a hand full if he was bored, or just wasn’t into meeting new friends. We had arranged for Todds mom to come pick Simon up once we had finished eating so they could go home and play, then Linda could meet Z&A. It was Todds idea and let me say he is brilliant!

Simon did great, he was charming and still normal, got bored but wasn’t bad at all, Z&A seemed to like to watch him, they talked to him also, but he was a little leery of them still. When Linda came to get him he was ready to go, then we all just talked, we talked about everything, we learned they were not together and hadn’t been for awhile. They were making the best decision they could for baby boy together, and wanted to be close to him.

Ariel is also adopted and she knows her birthmom and her birth family, they only live about a mile away from her grandparents, and still get together on holidays. So she had a good idea better than anyone really what an open adoption can look like. But still every open adoption is different. They mentioned, well we have never done this before, and I told them, well we have never done this with YOU before. We all knew we still wanted to be in touch, get together and all, but I don’t know if anyone going into it can predict what it will be like.

We talked for so long they closed the place around us, and we didn’t even realize it. It felt good, we were just relaxed and getting to know each other, we were in sync, believed a lot of the same things and it just felt right. We said goodbye and got into our own cars. Todd said “how cool are they?” and how mature, what a huge life decision and how they have chosen to get along, I have seen adults that have been married for 10 years treat each other with less respect on a good day, let alone a bad one after they are divorced.

I knew this was a great thing, it really felt like we had been hand picked by G-d to be together, to be able to raise this little guy as our own. What a neat experience this was unfolding as.

A couple weeks later, I got to feed my baby for the first time. Well since I cooked for Zach and Ariel and Baby boy was still in her womb, Ok I know it is far fetched, but it meant something to me, this is our first picture of him

See, he’s pretty cute huh?

This is Simon showing Zach how to play wii boxing.

I even showed them a few outfits I had already bought for baby boy, they loved them, it made me so happy, little things it’s the little things!

To be continued….

2 Responses to Our Story, Part 7: Finally meeting some birthparents

  1. This is so great to read and relive this!!! Thank you for sharing our story babe. Love you!!!

  2. This is beautiful! My husband and I plan on adopting at least once so I love to read adoption stories! The way you write about it really conveys a lot of emotion, thank you for sharing!

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