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Our Story Part 1: I hate the word Infertile.

by Suzanne - April 7th, 2010.
Filed under: adoption. Tagged as: , , , .

Todd and I were married in September of 1999.

We knew we wanted children but not right away, so I did what most women do and went on birth control. We were busy working and putting Todd through college  and just getting to know each other.

Three years went by and I started to feel like the time was right to have a baby, Todd didn’t agree. It took him a while longer, but sooner than I thought he came to me and said, yes I think the timing is right. So I did what most women do and threw away the birth control.

We waited.

And waited.

and waited.

Finally about 6 months later I was late, I was excited, we tested and it was negative, bummer. another month, I was late, we tested and it was negative. another month same thing.  I went to see my doctor, she  ran a blood test and that came back just fine. I got the book, taking charge of your fertility, I learned a lot. We tried some more.

It wasn’t working like any of our friends, they were on their second pregnancies and we had started trying at the same time. We were frustrated. I hate the word Infertile, it makes me think of a dried up desert, I was not a dried up desert, I was a young healthy woman who just wasn’t getting pregnant.

A few years  before we even started this process, we discussed “what happened if we can’t get pregnant?” we both very quickly answered that question with “we adopt” Neither of us wanted to go through infertility treatments, that just was not for us (I really feel like that is a very personal decision, and I am not saying other people shouldn’t, it just isn’t what we wanted) We thought we would maybe have one or two children and then adopt one more. It seems so foolish now to think we can control when and how many.

So when getting pregnant just wasn’t happening, we came to a decision, if by the time I turn 30 and we still are not pregnant, then we can start the adoption process. We didn’t want to rush into anything.

Sometimes when you want something so badly, time is killer, weeks seem like months and months like years and everyone around you gets pregnant, especially people who weren’t trying and didn’t feel ready.

My 30th birthday came and went, still no baby, but there was a new dilemma, Todd had switched jobs and he was now on commission, 100% commission, and there was a learning curve and it was a new business to build and he was making nothing, well practically nothing, after taxes and insurance he was bringing home $289 every two weeks, our house payment was $1200, Thank the Lord I had a job and we were making ends meet, but we didn’t feel that we looked very stable on paper yet.

So May of  2005, Todd’s  job took off and we felt like we were financially ready. We had previously checked out a few adoption agencies, I had done a lot of online research and phone calls, we decided to go with Catholic Charities. We went to an orientation meeting in May and started classes in June, we needed 12 hours of classes on open adoption, what to expect and how it would look. During that time we started work on our homestudy, this is a big name for your file, our social worker interviewed us together twice, each of us separately, and visited our home twice, not a white glove test but more for, is this a safe environment for a child, no wires sticking out of walls and guns laying around (:

A homestudy is what a prospective birthmother can be shown, it has a ton of non identifying information about you, it should help to show what kind of a life any child would have growing up in your house.

Our homestudy was done and printed early August of 05 and that meant that we could be chosen at anytime. I mean I have heard stories of couples being chosen before the ink was dry on there homestudy, or having never met the birthmom until the baby was born in the hospital, like you get a call one night,

“Hi this is your social worker and your profile has been chosen, your baby was born yesterday, can you come pick her up!”

I kind of wanted that kind of drama, any kind really that would bring us closer to being parents.

We waited.

and waited.

and impatiently waited.

I did something dumb and was so excited in the beginning that I told a ton of people about our plan to adopt, mainly all of my clients, I was working as a hair stylist, so I saw everyone about every 5 weeks, This meant I had to tell them no new news about 15 times a day, the disappointment was exhausting.

During this waiting period, Katrina, the Hurricane hit the south, our church was going to be helping out and I had a chance to go down there. I arrived with our first team 5 weeks after the storm had hit, we were in Waveland Mississippi, the town was devastated, there was nothing where there used to be a downtown main street. The immense need and rubble was very emotional, we worked hard, very hard for 2 weeks, and in that beautiful devastation, I literally felt G-d tell me that I could relax, we would have a baby in time.

I felt like a new person, I really did. That place will always be dear to me because of the change in my heart that took place while I was there.

To Be Continued…..

7 Responses to Our Story Part 1: I hate the word Infertile.

  1. i feel like i was just on a train through Europe, reading the kind of novel that sucks you in to the narrative and makes you, for a moment, forget where you are… when the whistle blows and the train comes to a halt and I realize I’m at my destination and I have to hurridly slip my ticket between the pages and dash off the platform… but even as I’m making my way through the station, a part of me is still in that space – that narrative – that story…. thanks for writing it… I’ll be turning it over in my head and heart while I wait for another moment to share in your story again. xo

  2. Thank you thank you. Your comments help me to write the next installment. I appreciate the love.

  3. It is interesting to read a story about the road I/we have traveled – it is good to revisit these times. It brings new light to the struggles and joys that we are facing now. Keep writing babe – Thank you for sharing our story with everyone else.

  4. Thank you Suzanne for sharing these experiences. Oh how I wish I had know more fully your struggle. I sensed it but not really. I was praying hard back then for children for you. Only God knew those children were to be the blessed Simon and Levi.

    Please keep sharing!
    Love you…

  5. Just found your blog via facebook. Loving it! Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to reading on…

  6. on why i hate the word infertile: i couldn’t have said it better myself, dear. i also am thankful for katrina and waveland, for bringing us together. and i heard the voice of God on that trip to mis’ippi… he was talkin’ up a storm, wasn’t he? er, no pun intended.

  7. You know sometimes when you are in the midst of it you don’t even know what you are feeling, and emotions can be so raw it is too much to tell everyone you love.

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