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Our Story, Part 2: Waiting for a Baby

by Suzanne - April 8th, 2010.
Filed under: adoption. Tagged as: , .

When I arrived home from Mississippi, Todd said I was a different person, he loved it, he had his wife back. I think that I was a lot more stressed about this than even I knew. You know how sometimes after something important happens and you relax and breathe differently, you didn’t even realize how much it was affecting you? That was how this felt. My priorities were also challenged as Katrina had drowned out Waveland, it had ruined all of peoples things, we were throwing away a lifetime of valuables and clutter, nothing looks good when it is covered in MS mud, mixed with sewage and ocean water. People became more of a priority, they had to, I had been face to face with how little we can take with us, as in nothing.

Christmas was coming and Todd was headed to China with is band for a few weeks, I didn’t want to stay home alone, so I went back to MS. We thought about what happens if we are chosen while we are away?

See with open adoption, you are not on a waiting list, you are in a waiting pool, you could be the first or the 15th couple signed up with that agency but if a birthmom likes you, then you are being chosen no matter how many people are in front of you. Well since I was still in the States, I could fly home pretty quickly if need be. We made sure our social worker had our cell phones and off we went. These trips were great for keeping our mind on other things.

We both had great trips and celebrated Christmas with our families and basically went on with life, trying to enjoy our time together and not focus on what we didn’t have, a baby.

My birthday is early February and in 2006 I met my mom in Kalamazoo for lunch and some shopping to celebrate, she asked me if we got a baby tomorrow what would we need. So she and my dad bought us a crib, we picked it out together and they had it shipped up to us, it was beautiful, but now I had an empty crib to look at. See I am a realist, a very maybe even extremely practical person. I don’t like to get my hopes up, I don’t like to be disappointed .  I would rather not expect something and be surprised than expect it and not get it. So some of these things were harder for me than maybe they should have been, but at this point we had been through years of disappointment and I was a little skittish to say the least.

I got up the nerve to bug our social worker, Was there any birthmoms in the process? She said one mom had looked at our profile in December, but she passed us over because we didn’t have  a dog and that was important to her, so she didn’t choose us. That kind of stung.

This was a small agency and they don’t place many babies, but they also don’t take on many  adoptive parents, so we were hopeful that we would be chosen sooner than later. Plus Michigan has a safe haven law that says a parent can surrender there child within 72 hours of birth, not be arrested and the baby will be placed for adoption. So there was always a chance that you could have a quick surprise at the agency that even they didn’t know about.

Still even with all of our hope, we were still childless.

My friend announced her third pregnancy since we had started trying. I hoped that maybe this time we would have a baby together. I was never angry at any of my friends that so easily got pregnant, I just wanted to experience the same kind of  joy. My friends were actually great about including me in everything and being sensitive that we were on this journey.

In fact, our small group consisted of 8 couples, 4 of them were very, very fertile, and 4 of us were trying for at least a few years each.  They took a week and prayed and fasted for the 4 of us struggling with getting pregnant. It was moving, I was blessed.

In April I woke up and was laying in my bed just talking to G-d about what we should do, I was getting impatient, I was feeling like it was too much (yes I realize some people wait much longer, but however long you have to wait seems like a lot) I asked G-d if we should switch agencies, or go international? I didn’t know but I was feeling low.

At 3:00 that afternoon  my cell phone rang, It was our social worker, she said there was a birthmom who wanted to meet us, I was shaking, literally shaking with excitement, I could barely focus I ran to my friend and told her, she was so excited, I then immediately called Todd and then my mom.

I didn’t want to tell many others, I had learned my lesson on that one, we kept it kind of quiet. We set up an appointment to meet with her and the birthfather a week later. Oh my this was going to take forever to get through this week.

To be Continued….

1 Response to Our Story, Part 2: Waiting for a Baby

  1. Suzanne: I am profoundly impressed with your writing. Keep writing and you never know where that will lead you.

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