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Our Story, Part 4: Our time had come

by Suzanne - April 12th, 2010.
Filed under: adoption. Tagged as: , , , , , .

After our meeting initial meeting with Shane, we were just in a waiting pattern. Looking forward to August and all that that month would bring with us.

My boss at the hair salon wanted to throw me a shower, so it was planned for June 25th, my mom came up and we had a great showing, lots of nice presents and good friends. We went home and put things away, said goodbye to mom and dad and I wrote out the thank you notes. With baby presents in the house it felt a little more real.

June 27th, I woke up and felt like August was just way too long to wait. I just was anticipating being a mama so much that I could not wait for our little one to get here. I was feeling like 6 more weeks was going to be torture. Oh well there was nothing I could do about it, just go on, so I went to work, it was my long night and I was busy, busy is great to keep your mind off of other things.

I was perming a clients hair and the receptionist brought the phone to me, that was a little unusual, I never got calls at work.

“Hello, this is Suzanne”

“It’s Susan from Catholic Charities, I have good news for you, your birthmom went into labor”

“uh, uh uhm, seriously? Is this a good thing, this is early, is it too early?”

“well that is what they are going to check, just stay put, the Doctors is going to make sure the baby is far enough along for them to let her continue into labor, if she is too early, they will give her drugs to stop the labor, I will call you back, just get ready”

“Ok thanks”

I think by this time, I was as pale as a ghost and when I got off the phone, I noticed all my co workers were staring at me along with my client, and they all said, WELL what is it.

Uhm, our birthmom is in labor, I think we might have a baby tonight, we better think about names. They all were excited and I think there was some screaming involved.

I rushed back to my phone and called Todd, miracle upon miracles, he answered his phone, I told him the news, he was at band practice, he shouted to the guys and I could hear the whoops in the background. I called my mom and my friend/neighbor Ivanna. Todd called his mom.

My mind was all of a sudden going 100 miles an hour, were we prepared, I mean what did I still need at home, I thought we still had 6 weeks, is the baby too early, does this mean they will be preemie? what are we going to name the baby? When is she going to call me back???

I finished the perm, then a color, everyone left and I stuck around for a phone call. Finally at 9:30 Susan called back, they were going to let the labor continue, they didn’t expect the baby to arrive for anotherĀ  3 hours, come now, but don’t get in an accident trying to get here.

I quickly headed home in a flutter, called Todd and said, I am on my way to pick you up, get ready.

I got home and ran in the door, grabbed a new shirt and tried to rush Todd out the door. He was packing for the long haul, books, pillow, blanket, he thought it would be quite a while in the waiting room.

We were out the door and headed to the hospital, it was only 20 minutes to downtown, once we got there, it was late enough we had to enter through the emergency room and wait for our social worker.

A few minutes later we were headed up to the delivery ward, we got there, asked for Shane’s room and the nurse said, “oh yes, she just had her baby”

My heart dropped to the floor, certainly she must be mistaken. Susan, said no we are here for Shane, she wasn’t that far along, the nurse checked again, no she just delivered, You can wait in the waiting room. So they showed us to the waiting room and I tried not to cry the whole way, I was supposed to be in the delivery room, she asked me if I wanted to, I can’t believe we missed it, only by minutes, Aaugh!

We didn’t know what to think, we just kind of sat there with our two social workers, making small talk feeling very helpless. A few minutes later a nurse came back and said, you can come back now, so we followed her to Shane’s room. They still had not told us if the baby was a boy or girl. We walked into the room and saw a little naked baby laying under the warming lights, it’s a Boy!!! Oh he was perfect.

It was surreal, Shane asked us right away what are you going to name him? We didn’t know, I was so sure the baby was a girl, I wanted a boy so badly, I’m not even sure why but I really wanted a boy. I was thrilled and surprised. We just stared at him, they wrapped him up and gave him to me.

He was just perfect, swollen from the birth, but just beautiful, I couldn’t stop staring at him and smiling, oh boy was I smiling. There was also Shane sitting on the bed, she had not reacted well to some meds they gave her and she was miserable, I hated that, I didn’t want her to be sick, she had enough to process. She didn’t want to hold him, neither did his birthfather, That was hard, it almost felt like they were rejecting him, I knew they were just being nice and trying to protect themselves. There was definitely some awkwardness in the room, but really nothing in life prepares you for this, there is no Emily Post chapter about how to act, It was hard, we felt elated and badly for Shane all at the same time.

We stayed in the room, Todd and I and our new baby boy.

Bliss.

Wonder.

Amazement.

A nurse came in and asked us a few questions, then she said, well your not the real parents so you can’t answer that. Excuse me? Don’t ruin this time by being rude, we are not the Birthparents, but we are Real Parents, we certainly aren’t fake. I wish that I would have had the presence of mind to tell her what the preferred language is. I think if you work in the delivery ward, you should have a slight sensitivity to adoptions in general and the language that isn’t offensive. Oh well other than that his hospital stay was great, so I won’t focus on that.

It was 3am before we left the hospital, we looked at him in the nursery so full of babies, all different shapes, sizes and colors, it was so cute!

We were exhausted, literally, emotionally and physically, we slept great.

We were woke up with a phone call from my mom at 7:30 she wanted to know his name so she could tell everyone at work. We weren’t decided yet, and I was so tired, ugh. Well we were up so we might as well get ready and go into the hospital.

We got there around 9 and they showed us to a private waiting room that we could have, they brought the baby in and we named him Simon David. We got to snuggle with him all day in our little private room. The Doctors made there visits in our room and talked to us, asked us questions and examined Simon over and over.

Shane wanted us to know that she signed papers for him to be circumcised. I didn’t want him to be, but having no legal right to make a decision and not wanting to raise any red flags, we just went with it, but I talked to the Doctor that was going to perform the surgery and he was very experienced and said he would not let a student do the work, phew I’m glad I said something.

Later that day Todd had a show that he had already committed to, so Simon and I were in the room alone, soon Shane came and knocked on our door, she wanted to come visit, she asked if she could hold him, yes of course, please. She held him out in front of her on her lap and just stared at him, commenting on how cute he was, we chatted and when Simon started to fuss, she said, “Oh you want your mom” and handed him back to me. That was so profound for her to refer to me as mom, I am so grateful for such a sensitive birthmom, and someone who truly respected us as his parents. We talked for awhile longer and then she left us alone again. Just Simon and I cuddling on the chair, it was peaceful. Todd came back to join us and it was time for us to head home, we were again so tired already. We greatly underestimated how tired we would be from it being such an emotional experience.

Our third day at the hospital, my heart goes out to anyone who has to spend a lot of time at one. There is just no way for it to feel like home, even if the staff is very kind and you have a good experience, I wanted to bring our baby boy home.

It was a Thursday, Todd’s mom came to visit, she was the only visitor we had, we didn’t know what to expect so we had told people not to come, but once we figured out that we had a private room and Simon was with us the whole time, then we knew it was fine, but Linda was the only one that could make it. It was great though, she got to meet his entire birthfamily, I’m so glad she could come. We visited with Shane and Shaunn for awhile in the morning and then again when there parents came, Shaunn finally held him and was pretty thrilled, he let me take pictures and everything.

They both said, we know we told you only letters, but we would really like to stay in touch and keep communication open with you guys, well of course we wouldn’t want it any other way! We prayed together and then they went back to her room. We signed a bunch of papers and our social worker walked us out of the hospital, she snapped this pic for us:

Look how tiny he was, born at 7 pounds 4 ounces, the doctor estimated him to be no more than 3 weeks early, but really he was right on time.

So after 4 years of waiting, we were on our way home with a tiny new baby, A baby that we were responsible for, a baby that was the answer to so many prayers. I had wanted to be a mother ever since I can remember, to actually finally be a mother, unbelievable.

Our birth announcement said:

Diapers $20

Crib $200

Having a baby to finally call your own Priceless


So there you have it, our adoption story, here are some of the facts that everyone always wants to know.

How long did it take?: from our first class to when we brought a baby home 13months

How much did it cost?: just under $10,000 includes everything even the birth certificate and court fees

Is it weird seeing the birthmom?: No but we don’t know any other way

Are you scared he is going to be taken away?(this was especially asked when he was still a newborn) No, I just wasn’t, we were confident that Shane knew what she was doing and would not change her mind, we were even more confident in our G-d and we knew that he had given us this baby.

Strangers especially always ask once they find out he is adopted, Where is he from?: Grand Rapids, MI… yes people do domestic adoptions, from their responses I guess a lot of people think that every adoption is a foreign one?

If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask, I love adoption and I love talking about it.

I will tell about our next babies story later.

Thanks for reading, Suzanne

10 Responses to Our Story, Part 4: Our time had come

  1. Suzanne,
    What an amazing experience. I think of how I was less than 20 minutes away from this going on yet had not idea. I wish I could have seen him at the hospital and experienced or prayed for you. I was in my own world somewhere nearby – working with people of the opposite age group in their 80’s and 90’s. They are in many way the same as the young, reverting back to more infant like behaviors and needs. Still, as much as I love to work with them, I always had a dream of adopting a child alone someday, yet God knew better. People like you and Todd are the parents….I make a great Aunt Pam:) Thanks for sharing your story.

  2. Another amazing story. I felt like I was there. Great writing.

  3. I shed more than a few tears. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you guys decided to adopt, those boys are wonderful.

  4. Great writing, I even learned some new things. It brings up a lot of emotions in me even as I read this. My first time of being a nana! Wow Words can’t describe.

  5. What a touching story, thank you for sharing.

  6. Wow, great. I did not know you had 2. Please write that story soon.

  7. dana bolt barber

    Suzanne (and todd of course :) ) !!!!!

    I am SO GLAD to have read this… We haven’t connected long enough over these last years to REALLY talk… so, I loved hearing the story… now on to part 5. Where is part 1-3? PS. I am not usually a blog person… but I have been reading yours every now and then… makes me feel like some how we are in touch still. :)

  8. dana bolt barber

    DUH. found parts 1-3… :)

  9. Hey Dana!
    I see you found the other parts (:
    We really should see each other sooner than later, I knew this would happen ):

  10. Beautiful story Suzanne! I am so glad I took the time to read it. After talking with you over the past couple of years I feel like I know you even more. I hope to meet you & your beautiful family one day! God is so GOOD!

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