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I’m a little overwhelmed

by Suzanne - April 16th, 2010.
Filed under: personal, Uncategorized. Tagged as: , , , .

You know I’m a firstborn perfectionist, yep that’s me, I like to do things my way and it needs to be done right.

Well my youngest is turning 1 in a week and a half and my house is not ready, not ready at all for 30 people, nope not one bit, well that’s a lie, I did clean out my drawer the other day and it sparkles, all the utensils are perfectly in place, it actually looks like a magazine picture, I should show it to you:

Isn’t it pretty, you should have seen it before, it happens to be a catch all for a bunch of stuff other than kitchen utensils, like cell phone chargers and old birthday candles, a rusty set of kitchen shears and guitar pics, now it houses only things that it should, and it is beautiful, when I open it it makes me smile, it really does to know that there is a place in my home that is so very organized.

I really want the rest of my house to look like that too, I would love to come home to a clutter free home, one that welcomed me in, one that said, “come Suzanne, come sit on my couch and rest your weary bones, come have fun with your family and feel at peace”. Instead all it says right now is  “hey woman, load the dishwasher, pick up the toys, don’t you want to put away the 10 loads of clean laundry sitting there, after all it is already CLEAN” yes my house is sarcastic when it speaks to me.

Sweet sweet Ariel offered to come help me get ready for the party, and normally I would say, no no that is fine it’s not that much, but instead I said, you know what I am going to take you up on that, seriously why would I have ever turned down good help, well I’ll tell you why, because I didn’t want people to see my messy drawer that wasn’t cleaned out, I didn’t want them to think I was a normal person. I didn’t want them to know I was overwhelmed with being a mama some days so much that I just can’t get it all done,  Shhhhh it’s a secret I didn’t want anyone to know, I can hardly whisper it myself, but here it goes, I’m not perfect, I really wish I was and that may be the saddest part of all, it is myself that I disappoint, not others.

It took me awhile to figure this out, I mean I know I am not perfect, but I wanted to appear that I was, does that make sense? It probably makes me sound like a loser, but I think we all have an impression that we want to leave people with.

Well now I am setting out to change that, I want the impression I leave to be one of love and comfort, not perfection, who has ever said, I love that woman she is so perfect, no one that I know of.

So When we have our party,  After I have let my friends help me get ready for it. I am going to try my darndest to have the house clean because well babysteps people, and cleaning is what we do for company. Then maybe I can work on keeping it un cluttered, so it can be a warm and inviting place, that is what I want my home and my heart to be like, so if you come over and my kids look like this.

It’s just proof we have been having fun and you can join in on it.

10 Responses to I’m a little overwhelmed

  1. Well said.
    I’m a very gracious person, just not to myself.

  2. nice drawer, friend. my husband’s grandfather has a favorite saying: the best way to keep a clean mind is to keep changing it. seems like there’s a correlation? just keep changing what’s in the drawers… or something. but don’t change houses. and who cares about clean houses?!

  3. oh, and thanks for cleaning mine th’other day 😉

  4. If we were perfect, there would be little point in carrying on in life. I love the blog.

  5. s- don’t ever think you need to be perfect, besides, there’s no such thing! how boring would it be if you were perfect (i yuck my tongue out at the thought of it)…everyone needs some flaws and not being organized all the time isn’t such a bad one… ; )
    ps- the picture of simon is great. such a goofy grin.

  6. My husband and I are both 1st borns. He thinks drawers should look just like this beautiful one, I think they are places for dumping things that would otherwise be in the way.

    Best wishes on your struggle against perfectionism

  7. As a fellow perfectionist and (much) older that yourself, I will say it can improve as you age. You find that you learn that life is short…to short to worry that my house is always clean, I always said the right thing and you learn God is the true perfectionist in control.

    That said..when it comes to my work and helping in the lives of my patients, I am a perfectionist so that I am not well loved by the doctors (especially surgeons) that I work with. It is amazing to me how un-perfectionistic and carefree they are with others lives and yes it drives me crazy. Ok so I need work in a major area of my life yet, but it WILL get better :)

  8. I appreciate your honesty and I appreciate your new goal!! It sounds inviting.

  9. I’m not a firstborn, so what’s my excuse? Don’t know, but I like your reformed theology :) I struggle with perfectionism so much, but God has graciously given me three terrific little coaches to help me combat it! Keep up the slightly above average work Suz!

  10. This made me chuckle b/c I often feel the same way….the way my house speaks to you is how it speaks to me too. Life is crazy with two little one’s isn’t it? We do our best & that is all we can do. God is in control. We just have to love love love those little one’s the best we can…that’s what is most important. And you can see by Simon’s face he is VERY loved! :)

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